I'm back - with Sam

Believe it or not, but I've been so busy with men for the past months that I haven't had any time to blog about it!
I don't even know where to begin so I think I'll just let my mind wonder and catch a random guy from my memory and blog about him.
The first one that comes to mind is Sam the baker. Tall, dark and handsome and such a sweetheart that I just wanna keep him in my pocket. We met on an online dating website, and not only is he local but he lives in my neighbourhood! That is so freaky.
I know this may sound crazy, what I'm gonna tell you now, but bear in mind that for the sake of keeping my identity hidden I need to be descret about a lot of things. Therefore there are some unrevealed factors that play a role in my decision making. So you must not think I'm crazy, just remember that I know things that you don't and my decisions are based on what I know. Not what YOU know.
So here goes. After chatting with the guy online for a day, checking out his photos and studying him on facebook I invited him over to my place. Crazy, huh? Anyway, no worries, I know what I'm doing.
So we hit it off real good and had a reallllly good make out session but for a reason, that I will not disclose here either, I do NOT have sex with guys in my house. So nothing happened then but I was eager to go visit him in his place and finish the deal. I have to admit, it's been quite a while since I had any and I was getting a bit needy. So the following evening I dressed up for the fella and walked over to his place, had a glass of wine and then took him to his bedroom. I took his clothes off, and you can imagine the rest. Until the very ending, which came to quickly, unfortunately. What a shame, I was looking forward to some long lasting, all night, love making with this sweet man but he couldn't keep it. Well, at least he did take care of me before himself so I forgive him and who knows. Maybe we'll give it another go sometime soon.

My first actual dates

My oh my, time has just flown right by me and I've completely neglected to keep this blog up to date. I think I should mention the first actual dates I had after the divorce. Plenty of stuff been going on and lots of action but I still have not found a man to satisfy my needs. And I'm not refering to sexual needs, I can get those needs met anytime I feel like, I'm speaking about my emotional needs, my need to share myself with somebody that will share himself with me.

The first one was a hunky, sexy body builder dude. He was so into me, found me on lots of different dating websites and we chatted on msn for a long time before I finally decided to meet him. We got along, although I felt a bit timid with him. Nothing wrong with him, he's a really nice man, I just felt uneasy and not sure how I was supposed to be around another man. I guess I had been married for to long. And I guess he picked up on my insecurities because when I finally started showing interest in him he backed away and slowly faded out of the picture.

Next guy was an amazing talker, very smooth and just knew how to say all the right things. Kinda cute also, very funny but the more I got to know him to more I lost appetite for him. First of all his body was just to limp, no hard muscles anywhere, all just loose and floppy. I don't need a better reason, sorry dude. I'm shallow. So there's no second of all. Even inspite of the fact, that of all the guys I've met in this single life of mine, he is the absolute best kisser ever. But even that wasn't enaugh to spark my interest.

Third guy was at least 10 years older, very fit and handsome for an "older" man but not hunky enaugh for me to be sexually attracted to him. Lots of great traits though, he had plenty of money, plenty of time and all he wanted to do was to spend lots of his time with me and lots of his money on me. However, I did get the feeling that he's the kind of man that will shower me with material things and all kinds of favors and then make me feel like I owe him something in return.

Needless to say, all these men are out of the picture, although the two latter have made a couple of attempts to rekindle things but I'm not interested. Geez, I´m so cold :-S

Love & Affection

I find it interesting that the feelings that normally would get me to fall madly in love with a guy are the same feelings that connect me to him on a friendship level when he's to far away for me to be able to have a physical connection with.

In other words; I meet a guy online, fall for his good looks and charming conversations he holds up with me and fall in love. This is pretty much the process. Then, when it's obvious and clear that he really IS to far away for me to have a cup of coffee with him, my feelings change to a deep affection and we become good friends, able to share pretty much anything. I bet the same thing happens for them, how else would they be keeping those relationships with me?

So, all this makes me wonder now; the feelings that initially get me to fall in love with a man are an illusion. I should wait them out, wait for that deep affection and take it from there. But with a local guy. Shit, my "relationship" with the guy I'm dating is all wrong. I have to end it so I can start a new one and from the proper beginning. The right way.

Ooh, reminds me. The mail boy. The hunky mail boy with the really nice ass and devious smile. I'm seriously considering handing him a note with my MSN next time he delivers mail to me. It's just getting hotter and hotter between us and I think I wanna take him home and take advantage of him, I bet he'd be a really good f***.
Only problem is, I don't know what I'd do with him after that. I can't take him home to mom and dad, I mean, he delivers the mail. They would never approve. And we work together, so it might get a little embarrassing. And I actually don't think he even speaks English! But that's besides the point. Steaming hot sex needs no words.
Hmmm, what to do, what to do? Oh, well. I guess I'm just gonna have to keep dreaming about him.
BUT HE'S SO DARN CUUUUUTE!!

The Karate Kid

I've known this guy for ages, can't even remember where we first met. Or when. He's tall, dark and very, very handsome and luuuuuves me ;-)
He's a professional Karate Kid and kicks ass for a living!

He doesn't really like to talk much, he prefers to express himself with emoticons and has trillions of those things. At first I was really annoyed by all his crazy emoticons, almost every word he said was an animation of some sort!
Later I realized that he's a very emotional man but just has a little problem TALKING about his emotions, he prefers to SHOW them. So, I stuck around to get to know him a little better, needless to say, I know him alot now, and I just love the guy.

He's one of my favorite guys on this internet thing and I love him like I love a good, old friend. He wants me to come visit him and preferably to come live with him but I know it would never work between us. First of all because I'm a reborn Christian and he doesn't believe in Jesus. Or was it the other way around? Anyway, we don't share the same religious believes. And second of all, I'd have to move to a different state 'cos he has kids over there and I really don't feel like moving.

But we hook up online every now and then and have a nice chat, or a short Hi-How-Are-You. I was very charmed to find out that he's a little jealous about the guy I've been dating lately (in real life, yes) and was concerned about weather or not I had slept with him yet. How sweet is he?

The Soul Digger

This guy is the most amazing guy I've ever met in my entire life. Wow!! I'm not gonna get into the way we met, it's complicated and not really important. I happen to find him really handsome and cute and would love to get a little dirty with that fella. But he happens to be a little married (the bastard!) so my dirty thoughts are being kept all to myself.

However, we've become friends, and not just any kind of friends but SNAIL MAIL PALS!! Can you believe that? Snail mail? I didn't even know people did that anymore. But apparantly some people do. And I'm one of them.

His letters to me are NOT filled with stories from his life, tales of his (adorable, I'm sure) children, complaints about his (lovely, I'm sure) wife or descriptions of his (boring, I'm sure) job.

His letters to me are FILLED with interesting questions about ME and MY feelings, MY opinions, MY experiences and MY life. He wants to know everything on a level that nobody has never asked about before. He digs real deep into my heart and my soul and pulls out my inner most secrets, feelings and memories. And I just talk. I tell him everything he asks me about because it just feels sooooooo good to share things like this. And sharing things like this on a level that is so deep and personal and yet free of all physical and emotional complications is so extremely satisfying.

Talking to this man, even if it's only through pen and paper, gives me pleasure and fulfillment of a sort that I have never experienced before. I can only imagine how this man would make love to a woman like me, damn him for being married!!

I know it's really cruel and mean, but I have to confess that there's a tiny, teeny part of me somwhere that wishes he would get divorced. Then maybe I'd have a chance with him :(
OMG!! How can I look myself in the mirror? How do I sleep at night? How do I live with myself? There. I said it myself. You can keep it to yourself.

The Italian Horndog

He's a bit special to me and we've become such good friends. I've known him for a long time now and we can talk about pretty much anything.
When we first met he used to send me really gross, wet, kisses which just repulsed me, I mean, I didn't even know the guy. So I told him to stop with the kisses and he got really mad, did not understand why he couldn't send me kisses, since he didn't mean any disrespect!!
So we had a tiff which ended with us splitting up. I blocked him, he blocked me and we didn't talk for weeks.

But before that had happened, we'd had such a great time together, he was so much fun to talk to, so I decided to try to remedy our "relationship".
I found him on Facebook and added him as my friend, which he accepted. Then I sent him some chocolate cake, which he also accepted, but he didn't reply to me on the Facebook chat. So I left him alone, but every now and then I would send him some food items; strawberries, lasagna, more chocolate.
Eventually I got a message from him in my inbox, thanking me for all the food!! I made fun of his sulking behavior and told him he's a big boy now (45!!) and that it was time to grow up and get his head out of his ass.
And the rest is history, today we're great friends, we share secrets, talk about sex, food, our hobbies and many other things.

But he's still a very horny man so I get a lot of VERY inapropriate stuff from him on my Facebook, which I can't add to my profile, due to all the family members that I have on my friends list. Sometimes he also sends me dirty, little pictures on the IM, to tease me.
Oh, and he has, of course, invited me to visit him in Italy, which I actually might do one day. IF I ever go to Italy.
But it would be fun to meet him, go out to dinner or cook together (we share passion for food), have some drinks, some laughs.
And end the night with a goodnight kiss and some cuddling. As much fun as he is, he REALLY isn't my type, he's to much of a playboy-gigolo for me to be able to settle down with a guy like that. But he's a great friend and has always been there for me when I need to talk.

The Boys at the Office

I love my job. A total of 2.000 employees, 80% men, thereof 80% younger than 40 years old!! OMG!! I wonder how I get my job done, surrounded by sooooo many men. . .

The Mail Boy is a VinDiesel lookalike, except he's much cuter. With a really cute bum. I get a very devious smile from him every morning when he brings me my mail and he makes sure that he touches my fingers when he hands it to me. Siiiiiggghhhhh!! I can go a really long way on that smile and that ass.

The Cute Chemist is so cute and so smitten that he can't even hide it. Everytime he passes me he gives me a shy smile and whispers hi or good morning and always sneeks another look at me before he passes me by. I'm always catching him looking at me and I can't help but smile at him back. I mean, the boy is just so darn cute. Yesterday I cought him playing in the stairway, he actually slid down the handrail when he thought nobody was looking!! Ohh, that's so adorable.

The Brilliant Scientist is a hot latino man, oozing with sexual energy and sex appeal. We've been secretly admiring each other for over a year now but acting all cool about it and not giving anything away. Lately we've been working a bit on a project together so we get a chance to communicate via the company's intranet chat program. Yeah, it's a little flirty, but very subtle. He's so respectful and polite, I really think he thinks I'm a virgin. . .

It's a little weird when I go for lunch 'cause when I look across the room I see Brilliant Scientist over there, looking at me, Cute Chemist over here, watching me, Sexy new guy over there, checking me out. . .
I will not even mention the other eyes that I catch on me, they don't really live up to my standards so I don't pay much attention to them.
But they tickle my vanity and I'm a happy woman :-)